Emotion: Best Friend, Worst Enemy

By Al Duncan


"Emotion can be the enemy. If you give in to your emotion, you lose yourself. You must be at one with your emotions because the body always follows the mind." -Bruce Lee

Emotions are arguably the most powerful force governing our behavior. Emotions are the guardians of your well-being. They are your friends and their primary objective is to ensure survival.

Remember the old wise-saying, "With friends like these, who needs enemies?" Emotions are the epitome of that expression.

It is a scientific fact that if left untamed, our basic emotions (anger, joy, disgust, surprise, distress, and fear) would cause you to kill first and ask questions later. Or run first and ask questions later. This is known as Flight or Fight Response.

On an equally detrimental, but sometimes lighter note, emotions will have you shouting, crying, or jumping to conclusions first and asking questions later. Believe it or not all of this is done in the name of survival.

Initially, your body responds to a psychological attack (i.e. insults) in the same manner it would a physical threat. This is especially true in the heat of the moment. Think about that.

If emotions are supposed to be our friends, then why do they frequently leave us in a barrel of trouble? The answer is simple.

Human beings are not biologically designed for diplomacy. We are designed for survival.

The emotional brain, also known as the limbic system, was rolling along for millions and millions of years doing what it does best: keeping us out of harms way. Then along comes the neocortex, the logical brain, to complicate things.

Now a person knows that if he or she can't do physical harm, an insulting remark will often do the trick. Although it's not a physical attack, your emotional brain still recognizes the bad intentions and responds accordingly.

If you aren't careful, in 3-5 seconds for the chemicals that produce emotions flood your system creating what is often referred to as an emotional hijacking. Your emotions could become your enemies.

In life and death situations that call for immediate action an emotional hijacking might save your life. (Think about jumping out of the way of a moving car.)

But at the office an emotional hijacking might cost you your job. In a negotiation it might cost you the deal. In an argument it might cost you a relationship.

So, I guess the timeless advice about counting to ten to calm yourself down is verified, not only by common sense, but also science. Hopefully, counting to ten will give your logical brain a better chance of getting back in control.

So when you feel a tidal wave of emotions flooding your system, hit the pause button and access your neocortex. Joshua Freeman, a leading expert on developing Emotional Intelligence, calls it the "six second pause."

I've found that, for me it's even better to take the four extra seconds and go for the full ten count just to be sure. Because it can be so costly, impulsive behavior is nothing to play with.

When I was growing up my mom was fond of saying, "Al, don't let your friends get you in trouble."

Mom, you never told me that you were talking about my emotions.




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